Mar 21, 2024
Sometimes, individuals might suddenly face significant differences in opinions, causing a communication breakdown as though they’ve begun speaking different languages.
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A previously harmonious understanding appears lost, turning familiar dialogues into conversations with strangers. This effect is particularly impactful and distressing in close relationships like partnerships and marriages.
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Why does this happen?
Metaphorically, this is likened to a “confusion of tongues,” echoing the Tower of Babel story where Babylon’s residents aimed to build a tower reaching the heavens.
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God intervened, mixing their languages so they couldn’t understand each other (Genesis 11:1-9). Babylon is also portrayed negatively in “The Revelation of John,” contrasted with the Heavenly Garden City.
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The story symbolizes the moment when mutual understanding dissipates, leading to separation and global dispersal.
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What does this mean from a psychological perspective?
In daily conflicts, whether at work, home, or in marriage, this “confusion” indicates a failure in the “language of love” or “language of co-work,” which are essential for aligning goals, thoughts, and feelings.
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“Confusion of tongues” isn’t about altering personalities. It stems from a small communication problem evolving into a major difference in opinions and values.
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As this gap widens, focus shifts from uniting factors to dividing ones, breeding isolation, suspicion, and disconnection.
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How to address the “confusion of tongues”?
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1) Accepting the Problem: Recognizing there’s a communication gap is crucial. Phrasing concerns as “We seem to be having difficulty understanding each other” rather than “You don’t understand me!” can prevent resentment and promote a realistic approach.
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2) Separate the Problem from the Person: The issue usually lies in the communication pattern, not the individual. Avoid attributing negative characteristics to the entire personality; focus on specific behaviors instead.
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3) Improving Communication involves:
-Sharing your feelings openly
-Describing the situation by the sequence of events
-Expressing requests for change clearly, e.g., “Seeing dirty dishes in the sink irritates me. Could you please use the dishwasher?” This feedback does not guarantee the immediate result, but it increases the chances.
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4) Listening without Interruption, even if you’re convinced of being right.
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5) Focusing on Positive Memories about the person you’re having misunderstandings with.
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6) Recalling How You Found Common Ground with the person previously.
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7) Reminding Yourself of You Resilience: “Even though I’m not feeling great now, I’ve managed before and can do it again.”
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Q Medical / D.Avtonomov©
